I Wouldn't Call It Sad, Just Low

Maybe it's because it's April and there's another six inches of snow on the ground, or maybe because I've been listening to the Bon Iver Pandora station more often. I guess it could be because I'm so tiered these days, or because I'm not all that great at handeling major life changes. To be completely honest, it must be a mixture of all of these things. It just must be... because I'm feeling rather low right now. .

What does "low" even mean? Different things to different people I'm sure. But to me it means feeling like nothing. Feeling like the whole world around you is spinning at a million miles a minute but you're just sitting there, wondering what to do with yourself, but never acting on it. It's almost like I just feel slow. Slow and Low. Almost sounds like a movie title about a drug addict's every day life. 

I can't go into detail, that would be silly of me. But there are so many positive/exciting things happening around me and all I can do is say, "mehh" to all of them. I just don't care all that much. (But obviously there's a part of me that does, let's be honest). 

And ya know what, sometimes I do actually get a hint of sad. And I hate it. Growing up I've always had a love/hate relationship with being sad. No one likes being sad, I get that, but I always thought it was good for the soul to be sad sometimes. But let me tell you, that just gets confusing when it's happening. I know I'm sad, I don't like it, but I feed off of it. That can't be healthy. 

This is a confusing post, I just read the previous four paragraphs and I don't even get it. So good luck my friend. Forgive me for the way I write; it can't be all that easy to follow. I guess that's why I never tried writing in other blogs I had. Pictures were always the way to go, but give me a break, I'm trying to expand my horizons. Crawl out of my comfort zone a little. 

But I'm going to stop before this get's any more out of hand than it already has. 

Anna. 

Guess What, Guys?

A Picture Evan Took 

I'm LEAVING FOR FLORIDA

(t-minus six days)

This time will be a wee bit different though. No early morning walks on the beach with my sweetheart, no walks around St. Pete buying fake wedding rings, no kisses by "Porno Pat"and no late night talks about moving and raising a family in Florida. I get a little teary eyed thinking like that, I'll miss his sweet smile as he follows me around. Here's to wishing you were hoping on that plane with me, Evan. And here's to wishing we were who we once were. I love you. 

BUT! 

This time will be a lot of lazy days spent on the beach, late night walks with sisters who I don't see nearly enough of, early morning self time and beer drinking all to myself. 

I'm nervous. I know every turn of a corner will remind me of him and make me wish he was with, but I'll keep strong. I'm spoil myself and I will appreciate the time alone. 

Regardless, this is a much needed mini-vacation for me. I will enjoy every second of it, happy and sad. Memories are nice, everyone needs them. 

See you when I get back! 

Anna. 

Bahh.

Holy crap, this night isn't going to end, ever. Or so it feels that way right now. 

I'll just get this out of the way, Happy (late) Valentines Day everyone or anyone reading. I know I'm a few hours and a smile short, but this day has literally been non-stop and it seems more like a stretch of three days that I didn't sleep through. Holy shit. 

Run-on. 

See that sweet little screen shot up there? That's the screen I've been starting at for the past four hours. Here's a short window into my life, I work two (maybe three soon) jobs and one of them is a wood-fired pizza joint downtown Stillwater. I love this place and I'd love to go into detail right now but I just can't, I wouldn't give credit where credit is due because I would rush and that's just not fair. So, sometimes I do this kind of stuff for QuickFire (pizza joint). I love doing it, it really is more fun than it is work, but lately I've been struggling with my creative side and that just doesn't go over well when there's deadlines and shit. 

Share the pain with me? Alllright. But besides that, my Valentines Day was fun and actually I'm feeling pretty cool. But, just wanted to drop in and say hi.

Anna. 

A Big Reason Why

I think I've made myself pretty clear on why I've started blogging again. Wouldn't you agree? Well, I haven't told you what the kicker was and I'm about to. I splurged and bought an iMac; I just couldn't resist and when I was approved for a payment plan not buying one was just totally out of the question. So short story even shorter, I got in my car Sunday morning, drove to the nearest Apple retail store and was in an out within ten minutes stumbling through the mall parking lot with a 27inch Apple iMac. Needless to say, after setting the beauty up the urge only became stronger. I mean what else can you do with a 27inch beautiful desktop. I'm in love. 

Also, I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before, but I'm slowly creeping my way back into photography, if you dare call what I take pictures of, photography. But working at a desktop alone makes that aspect 100 percent better and when it's a mac it really does put a cherry on top. People think desktops are lame and I was told to "just get a laptop" a million times, but I seem to be much more productive on a desktop, and who doesn't want to be productive? Not that I have much technically to be productive with, but when I do regain that responsibility, I am so ready. 

Plus, she just adds so much to this small apartment. Literally, even the box puts a smile on my face; that's why I keep it in the closet, yes. 

Anyone out there own an iMac? Do you love yours as much as I love mine? Ever regret it? (Don't tell me, I don't need to hear that crazy talk)

Anna.