A Love For Loneliness

I can never get past it, but I don't ever want to. When the room is lit with only the soft light from a small desk lamp and Regina Spektor just happens to pop up on my Pandora, my heart instantly fills full of this strange sorrow. There aren't even words to describe where it puts me. It sends me back to days of heartache and loneliness, but the feeling is so, so full of beauty. I hate to sound dramatic, but it's the only way to describe it, in a very large, unfamiliar nutshell.

But I love it. I long for the feeling when things seem to become too routine, too normal. It's the reason I keep a "Norah Jones" station on my Pandora. And the reason I lock myself in a small room with just the glow of a lamp. I love the bittersweet feeling of it.

And sometimes I just have to be dramatic and indulge in these feelings. I have to listen to this music and embrace the memories that come flooding back into my head and heart. Then as those pass, this wonderful feeling of nothing overflows me and I am filled with peace. It's here that I connect best with myself and where I am able to think with a clear head. I am able to have those much needed conversations with my thoughts and just think for me. It's in these moments that I do nothing for anyone but all for myself.

It's a time for nothing. 




Anna.

Ten Things I'm Thinking About This Morning

..... That was much to long of a blog title.

1. The Foo Fighters station on Pandora is my all time favorite.
2. I don't feel like going to work in an hour. Nor am I ready to do that.
3. These damn braces better come off my face soon. Else I'm going to do some crazy things.
4. Take your vitamins. (talking to myself)
5. One pot of coffee down, how about another, Anna? (I said this one aloud)
6. Makeup is the worst.
7. I hope my music isn't as loud and distracting for my neighbors was last night. But then again, he deserves this wake up call.
8. Stupid stupid stupid stupid boy.
9. Haircut. Baha, probably not though.
10. I love this apartment and I really wish I could be inside of it more.





Anna.

Bahh.

Holy crap, this night isn't going to end, ever. Or so it feels that way right now. 

I'll just get this out of the way, Happy (late) Valentines Day everyone or anyone reading. I know I'm a few hours and a smile short, but this day has literally been non-stop and it seems more like a stretch of three days that I didn't sleep through. Holy shit. 

Run-on. 

See that sweet little screen shot up there? That's the screen I've been starting at for the past four hours. Here's a short window into my life, I work two (maybe three soon) jobs and one of them is a wood-fired pizza joint downtown Stillwater. I love this place and I'd love to go into detail right now but I just can't, I wouldn't give credit where credit is due because I would rush and that's just not fair. So, sometimes I do this kind of stuff for QuickFire (pizza joint). I love doing it, it really is more fun than it is work, but lately I've been struggling with my creative side and that just doesn't go over well when there's deadlines and shit. 

Share the pain with me? Alllright. But besides that, my Valentines Day was fun and actually I'm feeling pretty cool. But, just wanted to drop in and say hi.

Anna. 

Blogging When You're Shwasted?

...This is my drunk face. 

And this is my drunk song: as of tonight. 

*Harlem Shake by Baauer was feautured here 

but then YouTube removed it

I can only image the shit I'll get for this one... Since it'll only be my family reading for a bit. But what can I say, it feels appropriate. It's a Monday night and I'm loopier than all hell. And that song up there, I've listened to it on repeat since 8:00PM and it is now one in the morning. I hope to have a dance down by morning, and by the way things are looking, I will. Maybe I'll talk about it later, but most likely not.

Thing is, I had a pretty kick ass night. But I've got things to do in the morning so it is time to get this dance down and then hit the sack. Night folks.


Anna.

At Least My Bed Was Made

I had the afternoon off from work yesterday so I decided to do a little apartment cleaning. I didn't get as much done as one would like, but I think I did a pretty fine job, I mean really, my bed got made. I even did my laundry and my sheets which were long overdue to be washed somehow got thrown into the mix and that feels freaking fantastic! ($5 later because laundry isn't free where I'm livin') I love clean sheets, I really really love clean sheets. 

I'm averaging a 60 hour work week between two very competitive jobs these days and cleaning things is few and far between. But when I have a few hours to spare, I.get.shit.done. Like a few minutes ago, I got home from work and managed to clean my bathroom! (Cause I know you were curious). But what I'm really trying to say is that my apartment/my life usually looks like my bed up there. I hate saying "I'm crazy busy", but I might as well just spit it out; I'm busy these days and I can't say I mind, because really, I don't. Two jobs wasn't in my 'plan' but I feel privileged to work for both and I wouldn't trade it for a million dollars... ahah, yes I would. 

And now it's Sunday and I am exhausted. And that bed is no longer full of clothes, hangers, bags, and other junk so I think I'll take those two steps back and get some sleep. Thanks for reading about my spare time and how exciting I am. 

Now listen to this song, cause I can't stop. (Prepare for more random songs recommendations, I do that a lot). 

Anna.