Disclaimer: I Swear In This Post.. Once, Maybe Twice.. Three times.. Yahtzee!

Overall, not the worlds greatest photograph, but the moment was "picture perfect" ...If you will. 

Ahhhh, sheeit. I'm just going to blow up some word-brains here. I've been contemplating writing another post for at least 26 days now.. it's just taken me awhile to sit the hell down and start. And who would have guessed that me waking up on a shit-tacular Monday morning at 4:00AM to take a bath would be the trick to get me behind the keyboard. Ha, not me, but I rarely know what the hell I'm doing or why I'm doing it. (At least that's what the people around me like to make me think). But the stuff I do, like really do because I WANT TO, usually end up working in my favor, usually. Anywho, anyhow, moving on... 

If it weren't for the few hours I have before I have to be at work, I'd sit here and type out word for word what has happened in the past 6-months, but knowing you and knowing me, you wouldn't really want to read that and I would probably mess up around month 1 and a 1/2 and things would start to spin out of control. So for the sake of my weak stomach and your ever so gracious patience I think I'll just tell you what's been on my mind so far today, which started at 4AM for me, remember. So I've had a solid 3 hours and 44 minutes to ponder on life and what it means. Cause that's what any normal 20 year-old girl does on a Monday morning.. ? 

First and foremost, I've thought a lot about how happy I am this morning. Doesn't that just make me sound so "cliché" and sappy... Yeah, you don't have to be nice. Even reading it makes me want to throw up a little. Don't get me wrong, I love to know that people are happy. I'm a fucking (Ha, see there was the swear word) people pleaser, it's what I was put on this earth to do. Make and SEE people happy. I'm just talking about physically reading the words, "I'm happy". Something just rubs me the wrong way about reading that. But since I'm usually honest here, I'll just type it again.. I'm.. Happy. Eeeh.


Okay, second. It's really hard for me to continue typing when so much as happened in such a short amount of time. I want to tell you about leaving quickfire, or how I got engaged to this kid two weeks after meeting him, and how my attempt to move in with my best friend was crippled because of weird timing, and other things like how close I've grown to my two younger sisters and the distance that has become much more adamant between the older ones (Not in a bad way Amanda). I want to tell you that though it looks like from a distance I'm giving up on my independence I have become only MORE independent. I want to share with you that I found out I was allergic to dogs the other day! I want to just scream all of this. And when I say you, I guess I don't really know who you ARE. I know for a fact that my own eyes and my mothers eyes are the only ones that have ever read any of this. But the really funny thing about that is, in the end, this is just for me anyways. Always before posting something, I end up going through old posts, just to hear myself out.. and I'd be lying if I said I didn't love that.

Lastly, maybe.. Continuing from the previous paragraph, I've been thinking/hoping of linking this blog to my Facebook profile. Ehh.. but then it wouldn't just be me, hearing myself out. It would be weird family and distant friends reading, and judging. Saying shit to themselves like, "oh wow, her writing is crazy. she types like she talks and has disgusting grammar.. she always was shitty at reading in high school... and crazy I think." Or family assuming I was writing for attention, asking for some kind of mental help.  Heads up, I'm not. I'm 100% A-OK. If this does ever get linked... And really, I'm not scared of being judged or people criticizing my grammar, or looking like an attention starved 20 year old wack job. It's whatever, it's cool. I'm just a little iffy on the whole "Loooooook everyone, I'm a blooooger... how coooollll AM I??? Come into my mind, feel what I feel, see what I see, taste what I taste..." Heads up, again.. I'm not a blogger. I just like to hear myself think out loud on a computer screen. And as far as having you, whoever you are read it, take it as you will.


But like dad said once... "Write what you need to write. Scream! Be Sloppy! Swear! Write about whatever you need to write about. You can even say bad things about your sisters!" Granted that was about writing in a journal and I was 13... ..




Anna, the fool.

Chairs That Blend Almost Perfectly

Disclaimer: The last post (written sooo many months ago) was bogas, I'd never be able to write something so organized and thought out. This post will have nothing to do with that, but will instead continue on as previous posts that don't make any sense.

And so here we are, you me and this horribly white-balanced picture of chairs that blend almost perfectly with the wall. A picture that was mostly likely taken while I was being paid $10.00 an hour to  roll out pizza crusts, but was instead, sitting next to my boss. Who would have thought that in the split second it took me to take this picture, I would be reminiscing over it months later. I wouldn't have thought that, not in a million years. The picture clearly meant nothing to me because I found it on an old memory card that contained even older pictures of Evan and I. Those I deleted within seconds, that didn't hurt as much as seeing this one. This picture, I looked at for  a good ten minutes before it ended up here, on this screen, with words beneath it. Not to mention, on a blog that I haven acknowledged for over 6, 7... 8 months. I've clearly got something to overcome here. ..... ... . .. Obviously, the chairs aren't what weigh heavy on my heart. 

(to be continued, maybe)






Anna.

My Eyes

Everyone has that something about them that gives them away. Mine are my eyes. Fortunately  I don't think I'm the only one that struggles with this. My eyes give me away, almost every time. I can't say this is a curse, in most situations, I appreciate this about myself. Because sometimes, I need someone and most times, my eyes are a great indicator and someone usually puts their shoulder out for me to lean on.

I am usually able to hide my weakness, but my eyes will forever give me away.

Tonight was a perfect example. No one commented on my eyes, but I could feel the weakness in my eyes become heavier and heavier through out the night and soon enough, someone was there to ease my pain. Not that I'm able to be specific about the situation, but I'll just say this, I am grateful that my eyes became heavy tonight and I am thankful that someone saw this.

Thank you to this person. I needed you so much tonight and you were there just in the right moment. Thank you, eyes for becoming heavy. I know without this attribute, I would still be struggling to get by.







Anna.

Sometimes I Forget

I forget a lot of things, a lot of the time. But sometimes I forget how many amazing people I have the privilege of sharing this crazy life with but then I usually remember and I smile. One of those people reminded me tonight of how lucky I am to have her in my life; I won't name names or say anything to make it obvious. She didn't do anything outrageous or unforgettable tonight, in fact, she wouldn't even know, but she put a smile on my face and I just wanted to tell all of you how grateful I am for her. So thanks, you. I'm happy you're apart of my life.

What else can I say?

I've been busy, but I haven't yet forgotten about the blog! I think about it a whole lot actually. Little things throughout the day make me want to jump on a computer and write about them. I just literally don't ever get to a computer. But hey, here I am, typing away and it feels nice.

Here's something, my niece is going to turn ONE in a few days. I haven't talked much about her, but the little one stole my heart last year and I couldn't be a more crazy-obssesed-spoiling-grateful-aunt if I tried. She's the light of my life and not a single day goes by that I don't think of her. Another one of those people I am overly thankful to have in my life.

So, here's to you, everyone. Thanks for anything and everything you may have or might do sometime. I am thankful for you. Good relationships are like nothing else.


Anna.

(No picture today, I don't have the energy. But thanks for reading!)