hoy en día en fotos (17)

9:02AM 

10:33AM 

10:50AM

10:16PM 

10:37PM

10:42PM

11:00PM

11:46PM 

Anna. 

hoy en día en fotos (14)

10:32PM 

Anna. 

hoy en día en fotos (2)

8:05AM

8:37AM

9:19AM

9:40AM

10:43AM

11:37AM

3:16PM

4:46PM

8:28PM

9:37PM

9:40PM

Anna. 

Not Worth A Title

I've had the urge, more than just twice today to pack my bags and leave everything behind. Just get a suitcase, throw a few good sweatshirts in there, maybe pack my computer up and grab my dog, just to get the hell out of this town. I'd also probably go to a car dealership and invest in one of those cars that allows you to play Pandora in it. (Because how else would I run away if I couldn't have the perfect soundtrack following me). All in all, today was just a fuck nothing of a day, but my mind spun and spun in a million circles leaving me sick, verbally throwing up here and now. I feel drunk.

Not that I'm truly able to write those thoughts down, in detail, word for word. But at least I can think those thoughts in my head while writing something kinda meaning them but not so much. You following along? Alright, solid. Now, let me write a few more words for the sake of my sanity then we can all go to bed and forget about this whole post in the morning. Like a bad one night stand for both of us. Only this probably won't be as satisfying (right now) for you. So hey... let's start..?  

First and foremost. There's a serious debate going on inside my head right now. On side one we have my rational/health-seeking mind and on side two we have my insane-baring/rule breaking heart. Side one believes that I should take in every last second of sleep that I can before 5:30AM rolls around and I am serving old men decaf coffee and dry wheat toast while side two thinks I should just pull an all nighter and then go serve those old men their coffee and toast. Obviously side two is winning. But I'm thinking it will end up being a combination of the two- leaving me exhausted tomorrow and having nothing accomplished. Resulting in an overall failure.

Secondly. Ever been so frustrated with a human being you could take a baseball bat to their.. car or something? I am so incredibly annoyed beyond what I thought was even possible, it amazes me. I can't even type words without wanting to scream. And the fact that I've let this happen drives me insane. It's just a horrible situation in it's entirety. I have learned some serious life-lessons because of it though and I suppose one could consider that a positive attribute to the situation, but if we're being truthful here, I'd trade those lessons for these feelings. Ten fold. 

Moving forward. Love, it's a real bitch. Ever thought you were doing pretty good about getting over that someone and then it just hits you that you're not doing all that awesome? Maybe it's just the grieving process, it could be. But it sure doesn't feel like that. "I hope it's not actually" -a real quote from my heart. That silly heart, always piping in when she shouldn't be. It's Evan, it's obviously about Evan. 

Fourth? Are we to number four already? I guess we are! How are you doing? I'm feeling really good about this. Maybe we could see each other for a second date? Think on it. 

... four. There's been this thing happening and I can't decided if I'm going to count this as blessing or a curse later on, but it's shown me that if anything, I am meant to live this present-day life for myself. As I wrote above, I'm not fully over Evan. But I've gotten to a healthy point in which I am 'okay' with being alone. (at times that is not AT ALL how I feel) Fortunate or  unfortunate, I don't care to dwell on that right now, I just do not care. Saying goodbye to someone who was by your side for three years is hard enough, like I'm ready to swap that face out to put another in that position? Hell no. The unfamiliarity and awkwardness is not worth my time right now. 

And you know what else? I'm spending quality time with someone who isn't a boyfriend, quite frequently, and it is freaking great. Finally. Finally! I'm not spending every waking second with a boyfriend. I'm hanging out with friend(s) and that is such a huge deal for me. I don't even think there are enough words to describe how big this is. I made myself sound like a really big loner there. Truth is, I'm not, I have a handful of really good friends, but it was only once in a blue moon that we'd hang out. 1. Because the majority of my time was spent being lovey-dovey with my sweetheart (not saying I didn't like that). And 2. I have always been a hermit and I had an issue with too much friend time. But that's why this is such a huge deal! I've somewhat gotten over my hermit-ness. Thank the lord. 

But oh my gosh. I feel like I'm running out of breath, oddly enough. So, this was fun, you've been such a nice listener. I feel so much better about myself already, and actually, I don't feel like running away anymore. Thank you! I would have been really mad about leaving everything behind and buying that car. We really should hang out again, but not that much. I'm not looking for anything too serious. 

Until the next time, 

Anna. 

Oh Sleep, Why Aren't We Friends?

Once upon a time I was a morning person and I think I still kind of am, but holy smokes it takes me a long time to get my bum out of bed in the morning. Waking up was once my favorite part of the day, it felt so fresh and exciting but now I'm lucky if I fall asleep before three and you would think someone asked me to kill my dog when my alarm goes off. The other morning I thought my world was crashing to the ground when my alarm rang for the fifth time, I probably would have paid to have the clock go back three hours. I just cannot get my sleeping straight. 

Even now. It's 2:55AM and all I want to do is crawl into that bed pictured above, which is literally two steps behind me, but I can't because writing a draft post really seems that much more important. Sick isn't it? Hopefully this blog excitement stops soon because I'm starting to see the lack of sleep in my eyes and no one likes looking into baggy eyes. But in all honesty, it's not just the blog, sleep just doesn't seem like a good use of time these days. There is always something better for me to be doing, such as writing a blog post, cooking late night 'snacks', creating templates for work, cleaning, or listening to music that I haven't had the chance to in years. For real, years. 

I'm almost positive this has to do with every second of daylight hours being spent at work and around people. I've always been an introvert so when the sun goes down and I have a few select hours to myself sleeping doesn't sound so appealing. Unfortunately, sleeping is necessary and without it I may just go nuts. No, I will go nuts, that's for 'effing sure. 

But the thing is I am in love with sleep. I crave it and I know this, I just take it for granted. The upside to writing an entire post about sleep is that I am actually yawning and I think I can take those two steps backwards and crawl into bed finally. Wish me luck in the morning because the thought of that nine hour shift I work tomorrow is making me nauseous. 

Night. 

Anna.